16 Days Against Gender Violence, yeah right.

16 Days Against Gender Violence, yeah right. Sexual violators never seem to get the damn memo.

My dad sent out an email this morning sharing an account of sexual assault. It's a continuous discussion that we need to have, and most of the time I find I'll engage with people who understand the issue.

Sexual assault has become so dismissed, to the point where it really pisses me off. We're told to "just move on and don't let it get to you, what difference will it make telling everyone?" , or "well you were drunk...so how can you know...?" or "why were you walking alone in the dark?". I'm pretty sure there are some people who don't even realise that they have been sexually violated because it's become so normalised.  If you don't want to, you shouldn't have to. It's that simple.

In the incident that my dad shares, the support for the young woman is fantastic , but it's an experience that no person should go through. I believe it's a useless experience. There are cases where women really don't get the chance to share their trauma and live with it.

I would go in more depth but the point of this post is to share the story, and I really believe the only way we will ever make some sort of change is constant discussion and drilling it into the minds of those ignorant, ugly individuals who do sexually assault. They're disgusting, but they don't even know it. We should be othering THEM instead of those who are sexually violated.

ONE MORE THING: My dad is Bishop for Natal Coastal District, so some of his email includes scripture and addresses individuals in the church with rape culture mindsets. Much is his opinion and feedback and discussion is welcome. You can engage with him directly as I may not have the same view point or response as he would. Natal Coastal Methodists Facebook Group OR comment at the bottom. 

Words  by Michael Vorster:

On Tuesday morning 27 Nov I was busy preparing for District Executive meeting. My concentration was interrupted abruptly by a young woman’s repeated screams. Hazel (office secretary) rushed to the front door and said someone is being attacked. I rushed out. A very distressed and crying young woman stood against the wall. Her umbrella and sandals lay in the road. She had just been sexually assaulted by a young man. Hazel came out and took the young women inside to our office, and cared for her. Myself and the security guard from the healing centre set off in the direction in which the young man ran. He had been apprehended by community members in Umbilo road. It was amazing to be part of this non-racial community effort to catch this young man.

When asked what he had done the young man said he made a proposal to her. He did not know her. There was no remorse or regret, just a wry smile out of the corner of his mouth. (Perhaps nervousness?) Other witnesses saw that it was an assault. The SAPS were called. A cynical white woman says she doubts if they will ever arrive. I say to her let's not get ahead of ourselves. She replies that she is a realist. I say not all SAPS are bad. She ends up agreeing.

I then go back to the office at which time both parents of the young woman and the. SAPS arrive with the perpetrator in the back. The father gets angry I have to hold him back as he tries to accost the perp. We managed to calm father down. The mother was sobbing. They all left for the Police station to lay charges against this young man who I estimate not to older than 22. The young woman was about 19.

 The 16 Days of Activism 25 November to 10 December became real for us.

 I shared this with the District Executive later and added that I was also concerned for this young man who had no respect for women, who thought he could take any woman at any time as he pleased. What made him think and do these things? What examples does he have? Jail may exacerbate this young man’s criminal tendency – what he needs in addition to jail time is gender-sensitivity education.

This young woman will now be afraid to walk the streets even in broad daylight. Her parents are going to increase their protectiveness of her. They will become captives because of the idiotic, shameful and diabolical behavior of this young man.

In society there is still a belief among men that they can own any woman they like (this cuts across all cultures and class). The belief is that woman must give men sex if and when they please. The ‘No means yes’ culture still prevails.

Even in the church one witnesses our male ministers making sexual inference remarks toward female colleagues and other female congregants. One observes how male ministers get touchy feely with younger attractive women and they seem to think it is okay. One woman minister told me once that a male colleague said to her that he had not had sex in a long time. This woman minister was decidedly uncomfortable and did not want to take matters further.

Ministers preach with great authority that wives must be submissive to their husbands. Please go and do your homework on these passages and understand what it actually says – it does not justify oppression of women whatsoever. My opinion is that this type if sermon and teaching gives oxygen for sexual predators and young male minds to feel justified in what they did. This is not dissimilar to anti-Semitic teachings by the church which contributed to giving oxygen to the NAZIs to kill six million Jews.

Even women are complicit in this oppression. One cannot make sense that a so called progressive organisations such as the ANC Women’s League feels that women are not ready to be President. Really?? Don’t we know of many women in the MCSA who say exactly the same thing and undermine women ministers and women in leadership?

In the church you can have a lazy, mediocre, and troublesome male minister and people will tolerate this. When a women minister behaves in a similar way, her gender is blamed. It’s because she is a woman, it is said. Woman ministers have to work twice as hard to maintain a sense of acceptance in the Church.

My rant can go on… but let us end here by reminding ourselves of the teachings of the Paul. Paul seems to ramble on about many things and through this we get a sense of his own evolving growth in understanding his journey with Jesus the Christ and then, a real ‘aha’ moment happens for him. It is like an intense revelation by the Holy Spirit and he says to the foolish Galatians (3:1). There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one Christ Jesus.” (3:28)

Let us take this to heart so that we as men can become better role models for young men like this sexual predator and others and that they in turn will come to find a better way of being male, Jesus-like male.

I would encourage you to visit the 16 Days of Activism display at the Botanical Gardens from 25 Nov- 10 Dec, Durban 

PEACE AND BLESSINGS

Bishop Michael

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The lyrics are awesome! 

*If you don't like swear words, do not read the rest or play this song :)

White boy : I don't think it's a problem cuz
most of the girls ask for it

Kathleen : Uh huh, how did they ask for it?

White boy : The way they act, the way they...
I...I can't say they way they dress because
that's their own personal choice

White boy : Some of these dumb hoes,
those slut rocker bitches walking down the street,
they're asking for it, they may deny it but it's true.

Lay me spread eagle out on your hill, yeah
then write a book on how I wanted to die.
It's hard to talk with your dick in my mouth
I will try to scream in pain a little nicer next time

WHITE BOY...DON'T LAUGH...DON'T CRY...JUST DIE!

I'm so sorry if I'm alienating some of you
Your whole fucking culture alienates me
I can not scream from pain down here on my knees
I'm so sorry that I think!

WHITE BOY...DON'T LAUGH...DON'T CRY...JUST DIE!